Friday, February 22, 2013

Hey, Did You Happen To See The Most Pitiful Chair In The World?

I consider myself a buff of crappy Craigslist ads. I even have a folder where for some ungodly reason, I collect the worst ads that I can find. Today, I was lured in with the promise of a free "vintage green rocker recliner". Now I could prattle on about this all day but instead, I'm gonna let you lay your eyes upon the chair.


Le Sigh. 
Here is the text of the ad: 

Vintage 1970's-1980's green beat up, duct taped rocker recliner. lol.. see photo. will need to be cleaned some, but still in fair shape. squeeks when one rocks. Was my mother's and she sat and rocked in it for over 30 years. Good for college dorm/college kids, folks with no $ for furniture. Serious only.. in order for me to contact you.. i have to have proof you are not a wiseacre and or scammer. I have met alot of them here. Name and phone number please. my number is _____ . thanks and be blessed


1.   I get sooooo tired of people giving things away for free that should be taken to the dump.

 2. The "lol" in this ad incites me. Our society is emotionally maimed by the epidemic of "lol". The "lol" may have started out as charming and cute back in the day when whoever we can thank for being too lazy to type "laughing out loud" started the whole thing, but these days, it's quite honestly used mostly to punctuate things that we shouldn't be laughing out loud at. It's become the written equivalent of the person who stands alone in a public place, laughing out loud with no recognizable reason to be laughing out loud - the person who scares the bejeebus out of the rest of us.

 3. Forget the duct tape. Or okay, let's pretend that one can forget the duct tape. But I guarantee you that in the Summer time, when you try to sit in this chair with your short shorts on, you'll not be able to possibly forget it. Or when guests come over. You might as well spray paint a big "LOL" across the front of it so that you don't even have to address the chair with visitors.

 4. The ad states "will need to be cleaned some".  That leads one to wonder what that big brown, crispy spot up at the headrest is.  I'll tell you what it is. Someone had a little bit of spontaneous human combustion. That there is one hell of a singe mark. They were taking a load off and went up in flames and never came back. The new owner of the inherited chair says that they don't want any "wiseacres" or "scammers" contacting them but only college students and folks with no furniture money. I say that with a chair like this, you'd better take whoever will get this thing at least out onto the front porch for you. I'm not even going to let myself think about how sad it is that Mother "sat and rocked in it for over 30 years". This whole situation with this chair just depresses me. Rant finished.


 When reached for comment, my own vintage green recliner said that he just wanted to be left alone.


 


Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

27 comments:

Dolly the Bird said...

I love Craigslist, if only for crap like this! While the chair is indeed cringe worthy...I'm more concerned about the 'knob warmer with saggy balls' in the background. And by the way, 'wiseacre' is now my word of the week to be used by me at every possible opportunity.

kathryn said...

You are so right about the "lol" thing, I've been bothered by the use of that term for so long but haven't really been able to fully articulate why, you did a good job of it. It totally changes the way I feel about a person if I see them use it in an email, it makes me feel like I don't really know them as well as I thought I did.

LaurenT said...

The giant googly eyes continue to crack me up, a lot. Bless this green chair person's heart. I think it is possible that they have issues of the meth lab sort. Did I say that out loud? Lol.

Marty said...

Oooooh....double cringe. That chair is indeed frightening! I agree that it is BAD. There is something worse though, and that's people who try to actually charge people for bad furniture. I haven't seen anything akin to that being sold of course, but I have seen couches that were so saggy, ripped, and/or stained as to be utterly dumbfounded.

Gotta love Craigslist.

My second cringe is a self-conscious one. I am admittedly a "lol-er." You could probably accuse me of one too many smiley faces in an email, too. I guess I never really thought about it! But it sure will be on my radar now. The fact that it could change how some people "see" me and bring into question whether they might not know me as we'll as they thought they did? Yikes!

DearHelenHartman said...

Was gonna put LOL but though you might think I was some kind of wiseacre. Ad should read, I miss my mom and can't throw away the chair she sat in for 30 years, will some kind soul haul it off and pretend they are going to use it so I can let go.

Karen/Small Earth Vintage said...

lol.

(sorry, Eartha, I can't help it--I'm such a wiseacre!)

Ah, humanity.

thatmidcenturyfella said...

I immediately take points off of a paper that is turned in to me if there are any "text talking". Don't get me started....

RetroSandie said...

Thank you for saying all the things I think when I see crap like this for free! The Dump!! Exactly!! Only once in a while do you ever find anything even remotely worth even thinking about. Some people have no clue.

Perdita said...

The fact he so seriously warned against 'time wasters' DID make me 'LOL'! Because that chair is so out of most people's league. You have to be highly qualified and special to own it.

Vivian said...

You had me belly laughing on point number four when mentioning human combustion being responsible for the brown mark on the headrest! I am still laughing as I type. I really lost it when you checked in with your chair. YOU ARE SO FUNNY! Humor, I am told is a sign of extreme intelligence, and I know from most of your posts you have that form of intelligence. The other parts are compassion. I am still laughing, belly style!

KIMMIE JONES said...

Your savvy with Giant googly eyes always makes me happy.

Rita@thissortaoldlife said...

Oh my. What more is there to say?

(I love your chair, btw.)

Lisa said...

The last picture of your own recliner cracks me UP. "Don't show me that!" your own piece seems to be saying with his googly eyes.

I saw this same ad (you know we're members of the same "trawling for keywords 'vintage', 'retro', and 'old' subset of Craigslist users), and I, too, was most perplexed by the burn mark. How, exactly? And at that height? My grandma used to have a couch of this same green vinyl, and in its old age, it had a duct tape repair, but ONLY ONE, and this blemish eventually relegated it to being given away to my cousin Jamie when he moved into his first home away from home. This one, on the other hand, is just a LOST. CAUSE.

Lisa said...

Also, I have that Charlie Rich song stuck in my head like whoah now.

Johnny Berry said...

I want a recliner so bad!

But my close relative won't let one into the house.

I think this one would have made his head explode.

nickarmadillo said...

Poor chair. Tell me that was in the free section and not for sale, right? I made this and thought you might enjoy it: http://qkme.me/3t4dt9

darkelady said...

Oh that is one sad chair. Around here you have to pay to put it in the landfill. That is why he is probably trying to give it away.

Eartha Kitsch said...

Ha! Nick, I love that the chair has its on meme now!!

Rae - Say It Aint So said...

oh my gosh when i saw that first picture it reminded me immediately of the picture of a chair someone had combusted in that was in this weid book my parents had that used to FREAK ME OUT! there was also a picture of jesus' face in a stain on a concrete floor that scared me. i hope no one goes out for that peice of crap.

jaymie said...

oh my that stain is pretty scary!

SUZY8-TRACK said...

Wait...did they say Fair condition? That's pushing it! I bet the reasoen that Mom stayed in that chair for 30 years is because she was probably stuck on all that duct tape! I would be inclined to tell this person to just haul it to the curb.

Re: LOL, I totally agree that it is used in the most inappropriate places. Here is an excerpt of an email that I got from someone who purchased an item from me on Ebay, but then changed their mind AFTER they paid for the item: "I'm so sorry but can you refund my money for this:-) I will accept the cancel transaction right away..:-) so sorry... Darn cell phones can't see a thing on them! LOL :-)) Thank You :-)" The added smiley faces didn't help either!

SUZY8-TRACK said...

By the way, your recliner looks awesome!

Jen said...

First of all: I am sorely tempted to use the wiseacre and scammer line in future Craigslist postings.

Secondly: I do "lol", though I've tried to break myself of it. Furthermore (as you know), I use LOTS of smiley faces. Oddly, both of these happen despite a long life of actual letter-writing, where neither thing would EVER be found (except perhaps now). You are right, but I wonder if it is the cold, glowing-screen, hard-edged nature of email and so forth that leads people to over-use LOL and smileys. The same thing handwritten on paper or in a card will come across much differently than it will online.

The Frugal Shrink said...

Oh Eartha!! This whole post really did make me laugh out loud. :) I am so guilty of using 'lol' too much as well as waaaaaaay to many exclamation marks. Thanks for giving me a chuckle as usual. Also, I love the word wiseacre.

Jessica said...

I'll just put my current state into full words. I'm laughing out loud SO HARD. Alone. In my living room.

You really are such a great writer. I <3 Eartha.

Anonymous said...

Well, I did like the phone pole insulator door stop.

Danielle McPeters said...

Apparently the original criteria was too stringent, as this beauty is still up for grabs on the CL "Free" section. All I can say is, "Oh, Smyrna..."