You ever have one of those days...

When you search your house for an hour and a half looking for Bundt cake pans and just can't figure out where you put them?


Hmm...now where can they possibly be?

Like my grandma used to say: "If they'd been a snake, they would have bit you!"

(She'd probably also say "Don't leave the house without a dime for the pay phone" and "Don't post photos of yourself with no makeup" and "What did you comb your hair with? A rake?")

Those pans have been on that wall for three months now. This coming from the person who gets upset if she adds a new knick-knack to a display and the Mister doesn't notice immediately when he comes home. "It's the squirrel with the glitter vest! You don't love me!!"

I felt so old and senile when I finally noticed where the pans were. And too tired to even bake a cake anymore. I'd walked all over the house, going through every cabinet and cupboard. I searched the garage and even the closets while declaring to myself, "I KNOW that I have Bundt cake pans!" And as I always do, I wondered if perhaps someone had come in and taken them. Because Bundt cake pan thefts are on the rise.

But maybe it's not actually old age setting in. I've been pretty addled since I saw this ad on Craigslist:



Someone, somewhere is pantyhose crafting. Kind of makes the blood run cold, doesn't it? When this ad was posted, other people replied with accusations that pointed fingers at the poster for being a "pervert". They accused them of using crafting as a cover for wanting to sniff and do dirty things with hosiery. But what if they were wrong? I'm sure they had no idea of truly how deep a "pany hoes" perversion can actually run.


An actual item that someone was asking actual money for.

Someone recently asked me if I felt like a hypocrite for raging against pantyhose crafting when I'm some chick with "kitsch" in my name. And no.

Lord have mercy...where was I? Oh, that's right! My old age! My walking around in circles and searching today reminded me of this word play that I found a few years ago:



See what they did there by taking the word "senior" and turning it into a cry for help? Pretty joyous, huh? This was sent to me from a church who obviously thought that I was a senior citizen whose life had gone down the toilet. They had hoped that it might somehow encourage me to join their senior's group. Sure thing. Right after I get my head out of the oven.

You ever start reading one of my posts and wonder where I'm going with it? Me too! We'll just nip this in the bud right now. But not before this:


Octopus Bundt Pan!!
Apparently out of stock all over the world. Sigh.



Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

Let's Keep It Movin'...Movin'

Since there was such a positive response (ha!) to my post the other day about Gloria, the giant beanbag lady, I thought that I would bring you some more fantastic craft ideas from the same book, The Family Creative Workshop: Volume 14 so that I can put it back on the shelf for good bury it in the ground.

And before you start to whimper and whine, let me tell you that the subtext to that book title is "Quilling to Rope Knotting" so hey, consider yourself lucky that I chose neither. Instead..

Choo! Choo!


A Little Locomotion seems to be in order for this unusual couple.

And man alive, if those two don't put the "loco" in locomotion, I don't know what does! And yes, they are indeed pantyhose craft. Which you may know gives me the ugly shivers.


How about some close-ups?



Ohmyheck, that face!
And how creepy is pantyhose cleavage, huh?


Four things come to mind when I look at her:

1. That song with the lyrics, "Ruby...don't take your love to town".
2. That other song about the girl named "Fancy" who turned prostitute to save her family.
3. Belle Watling as done by a man with five o'clock shadow.
4. I should start using anti-aging cream.


And what about the conductor of this little crazy train?


Like a worm shoved in a sock.


I know what you're thinking: "It's a shame that we can't see him better."


Kiss me, slobber lips! I'm thirsty!

Your mind is going crazy, right? You don't know what's true anymore?

Maybe the text from this chapter of the book can assist:

"Such sculpted heads can be stitched onto realistic bodies, like that on the lady on the locomotive, or on bodies that are merely suggested, like that of the engineer....Or if you prefer, you can make the head pillow-size and leave it at that."


Can you just imagine?


Don't worry. Even in this imaginary scenario, Pip is coming to destroy them.

That's some nasty..nasty business, isn't it? Pantyhose crafting, people. I know that my name is Eartha Kitsch but I can't condone it. I mock it to make sense of it. That's my only explanation.

Okay, now one more for you from the same book:




Not that I don't love you but you're on your own with this one.

Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

Well, Hello, Dolly!

I'm kicking myself for not buying this handmade Dolly Parton soap that I saw in a junk shop recently. I must have lost all country music and kitsch lovin' reasoning!



Okay, to be honest..I think that it was the pantyhose skin. In retrospect, even with my pantyhose craft ban, I may have to give myself just a little wiggle room if it's for the right reason. I think I'll go back and look for it this weekend and if I find it, challenge myself to make a Porter soap to go with it.



We've all got to have goals, you know?

Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha