Recent Finds

I have accidentally started a small collection of "we missed you in church" cards. I found these at one of the thrifts still in the package. And found these pins in the same store.


And then on my way out, I found these bracelets and had to get back in line.


This top is actually from Old Navy. I saw it on Scathingly Brilliant and fell in love with it's classic old lady styling. And it's a silky polyester that feels just like you stole it from Granny's closet. They also have a cherry red version with dogs on it! Check them out here. The bow goes in the back but I wear mine in the front because I love vintage secretarial style. And Kriss Kross.

They also had a different style that had beautiful birds on them. Oh, and if you want any of these, they're cheaper in the stores than online. Just a tip. Right now, they have a few great things that will easily incorporate into a vintage leaning wardrobe.


I have a weakness for metal boxes with designs on them
(and then I store things in them and can't find them because I'm an old lady)
And speaking of old ladies:

Pregnant Granny
"You and your once more for old times sake!"
She's actually part of a salt and pepper shaker set. I've seen her geriatric baby daddy before but so far just have Granny.



Another big weakness: vintage cleaning products
Yep, I'm the annoying lady at the estate sales who is digging under the sinks!


And speaking of estate sales, these two purses came from a recent local sale. That straw one is huge and will even hold my camera.

The Mister is my secret weapon. When there are estate sales that I can't go to, I look at the sale pictures online and tell him what I'd love to have and off he goes. He's an early bird of a man and has long arms for reaching over other customers. Sometimes, I'll just tell him "Oh, you know what I like. Surprise me!" and it's fun to see what he comes home with. Recently, these were my surprise. He's a great shopper. And I think that he likes to go shop for me so that I don't go with him and spend two hours just admiring a house or spending thirty minutes sorting through used washcloths while his life slowly ticks away.


Last weekend we had twenty minutes to kill so of course, I suggested a thrift store! When we walked in, we saw this chest of drawers that happened to match our bedroom dresser. Score! The weird thing was that while we were looking at it, a store employee came up and started moving it to another place in the furniture department. So, we had to follow him while he was rolling the chest around the room just to get it. And he refused to acknowledge that we were talking to him about how we were buying it. He just looked right through us as we talked to him, parked the chest of drawers and then turned and walked away.

For a minute I wondered if we had passed away and were invisible to mortals and just didn't realize it yet. Maybe we'd gotten run over in the parking lot and our spirits were still determined to shop. Sometimes, thrift stores are great and weird. The chase got our adrenaline up and we bought it in a rush and then stopped to wonder if it would fit in my small car - which was already full of old little kid school chairs that we'd found at a dumpster behind an elementary school. I'd show them here but they're in the garage where I cram impulse buys and am afraid to go. And no, we don't have kids. But if we do, we've got the chairs. Anyway, it did fit in the car.

Note: Do you ever find things that won't fit into your car and it just kills you? Recently, we were with an installation artist who had this giant ..I'm talking giant school eraser that he was giving away. But it was the size of a couch and made out of wood. A giant fake pink school eraser as big as a couch! I don't know what I would have done with it but that's the kind of thing that it's hard to pass up. Oh, and it had hinges and opened up. I could have just been buried in it. Buried in a fake school eraser! Dang...that would have been sweet. Not having a truck keeps me from getting whimsical coffins and giant lawn dinosaurs.


Meet Peter Peppers!


He's a huge chalkware dog that I found in one of the worst antique stores in town. He was down in the floor behind a bunch of really bad junk. This place is so packed that you feel like you're going to break half the shop just by turning around. But alas, I got Peter Peppers out of there safely!

I love to picture some tourist bringing him all the way home from Mexico. He's in our foyer, greeting guests as they come in.

What about you? Found anything squeal-worthy lately? Do tell!

Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

Let's Keep It Movin'...Movin'

Since there was such a positive response (ha!) to my post the other day about Gloria, the giant beanbag lady, I thought that I would bring you some more fantastic craft ideas from the same book, The Family Creative Workshop: Volume 14 so that I can put it back on the shelf for good bury it in the ground.

And before you start to whimper and whine, let me tell you that the subtext to that book title is "Quilling to Rope Knotting" so hey, consider yourself lucky that I chose neither. Instead..

Choo! Choo!


A Little Locomotion seems to be in order for this unusual couple.

And man alive, if those two don't put the "loco" in locomotion, I don't know what does! And yes, they are indeed pantyhose craft. Which you may know gives me the ugly shivers.


How about some close-ups?



Ohmyheck, that face!
And how creepy is pantyhose cleavage, huh?


Four things come to mind when I look at her:

1. That song with the lyrics, "Ruby...don't take your love to town".
2. That other song about the girl named "Fancy" who turned prostitute to save her family.
3. Belle Watling as done by a man with five o'clock shadow.
4. I should start using anti-aging cream.


And what about the conductor of this little crazy train?


Like a worm shoved in a sock.


I know what you're thinking: "It's a shame that we can't see him better."


Kiss me, slobber lips! I'm thirsty!

Your mind is going crazy, right? You don't know what's true anymore?

Maybe the text from this chapter of the book can assist:

"Such sculpted heads can be stitched onto realistic bodies, like that on the lady on the locomotive, or on bodies that are merely suggested, like that of the engineer....Or if you prefer, you can make the head pillow-size and leave it at that."


Can you just imagine?


Don't worry. Even in this imaginary scenario, Pip is coming to destroy them.

That's some nasty..nasty business, isn't it? Pantyhose crafting, people. I know that my name is Eartha Kitsch but I can't condone it. I mock it to make sense of it. That's my only explanation.

Okay, now one more for you from the same book:




Not that I don't love you but you're on your own with this one.

Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

Seek and Ye Shall Find

I'm sure that most of you who have websites are like me and love looking at your statistics. I always especially enjoy seeing the search terms that people use to find Ranch Dressing. Of course, like I've said before, I get a LOT of people who are just looking for a recipe for ranch dressing and again, I apologize. The most recent non-salad related ones that made me giggle are:

Cat hustle - Ooh! Cute! I'd like to see that too! Tiny little leisure suits and paws pointed towards the sky.

Dressing like a buckaroo - Cool. All about it. Send me snapshots.

I want to own him, help - Whoa. I can only hope that this was some kind of knick-knack lust emergency as in, "Oh my god...this ceramic duck is wearing cowboy boots! But I can't afford him! I'll bet that Eartha can help!"

And then I kid you not, this one popped up:

I own him.

Huh! And here are some more terms that brought folks to the ranch:


Cat in a fireplace - SEVEN people searched for this one. Which is good because I do have a photo of a cat in a fireplace. She shoots! she scores!



Creepy Fruit - Yep. Endorsed by Eartha.

Macaroni with Tone Fish - This one is puzzling but the fact that not one but THREE people found me with the search term? Even more so.

And in the same vein:

Macaroni Vent Covers - Ha! What do y'all take me for?? Whatever it is, I like it!

And then there was:

Squirrels dressed up Roman - Once again - love to see it.

70's Hot Tub - Yep, I just keep on getting hits this way. For those of you who are used to my hot tub fascination, you'll probably shield your eyes now. Those who don't...


One.


Two.


Three!



Rub-a-dub-dub!

Ha! Oh my god, that one never gets old to me.

Next up:

Big Beautiful Woman Dominatrix - I know of a lot of vintage loving gals who get this one. Sadly, I'm a big, beautiful kitten without a whip. Can I interest you in a photo of a cat in a fireplace instead?


Ooh! Now that's what I'm talking about! Hawt!

Well, whatever brings you here, I hope that you keep coming back. And I promise you that one of these days, I'm going to post a ranch dressing recipe to make this whole thing legit.

Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

The Truth About Gloria aka "The Saddest Seat on Earth"

I've been wanting to bring more crafting to Ranch Dressing so I thought that this might be a good (okay, questionable) place to start. Today's offering is from the book The Family Creative Workshop, Volume 14.




I know what you're thinking: "This has GOT to be a fetish thing!"

Nope, it's just a 1970's thing. It's okay. A lot of people get the two confused.

Here's what the book says about the above:

It is la dolce vita with this well-upholstered chair-person around to comfort and to cushion one after a hard day at the office.

Okay so...la dolce vita - Either the writer is saying that having this doll to come home to is like living "the good life" or he's comparing it to a Fellini film. If you've ever seen a Fellini film, you might agree with me that this would fit right in. I'm gonna choose the latter.

Back to it:

If you take a rag doll to a larger-than-life extreme, you may have an enormous chair-person like exotic Gloria, above, to share your living room.

Right. If Gloria is exotic then I'm Chita Rivera!

She is as comfy to snuggle up with as she looks, since her torso is made from two ready-made pillows sewn together...

I'm sorry. Let's stop again. I've got to get this out in the open - is anyone thinking this besides me?

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies??




Can you see it? Can you see it??

Alright, back at it:

Antique boots from a thrift shop were stitched to her feet, and I sewed junk jewelry rings on her fingers. A black silk scarf stitched around her face and stuffed makes a very stylish pageboy bob.

Sigh.

Her cigarette, by the way, is detachable, in case the hostess does not allow smoking.

1. Wait - the hostess? Are they suggesting that one take that...that...Gloria to dinner parties as their guest? "Aww gee, hon. Do we have to invite Carl? He always brings that demented beanbag, Gloria!"

2. As if anyone could enjoy snuggling this doll if they hadn't been smoking something!

You know, the seventies were truly some whackadoodle days. I grew up during that era and even though I love a lot about that time, sometimes, even I am shocked at some of the stuff that came out of those years. But rest assured, sometimes we learn our lessons about things and won't repeat them. For instance, today's version of the pillow lady above:


source

You see? No head this time around! There..isn't that better?

Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha

Oh, and p.s. : Man Marries His Body Pillow