Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Therapeutic Nuances of Granny Crafts and Baking

How have you all been? Great, I'm hoping! It seems like forever and a day since I've been able to sit down at Ranch Dressing. I've missed it. Life has been bazonkers and I've had one hell of a week. Yesterday, I woke up on top of my bed covers,  in my street clothes after pulling a near-all-nighter (animal rescue...not doing beer bongs, I assure you) and soon found myself in the kitchen, eating straight out of the breadbox while saying out loud to nobody at all "I love ciabatta bread...desperately."

It's when you're romantically talking to a hunk of bread torn straight from the loaf while standing in yesterday's rumpled clothes and smeared makeup that a person realizes that it's time for a little "me time".  I had seriously burned out....simply crashed and exploded. Thankfully, Mister Kitsch took me out for a little kindness that included tomato soup and a fat grilled cheese and then the great suggestion that we stop at a church rummage and bake sale. I'm usually up for anything that goes down near grannies but I was so tired that I resisted a little at first. It was soooo worth pushing through the exhaustion though. The yard sale wasn't much but as we were walking away, a woman said to us, "There are little ladies selling large pies downstairs."

The next thing I knew, we were in the basement of the church, completely flanked by senior citizens.  A whole recreation hall full of them. Hello, Heaven. We bought a ginormous homemade apple pie and then stepped over to the craft table. At first, I thought that maybe the children of the church had made the items which would have made them precious enough - but then I learned that the senior lady manning the booth had made them herself. A woman after my own heart! She had pinecone turkeys with pipe cleaner gobblers and googly eyes as well as yo-yos made out of painted balloons filled with water. Bookmarks made out of felt and rick-rack and several other similar old-school crafts filled her table, each one more precious than the next - and each a buck apiece. Even puffy paint was represented. Who remembers puffy paint? Sigh. She had it in spades.

It took me a few minutes to choose but I decided upon a clucking chicken made out of a Solo cup with a felt beak and pom-pom rooster comb on top. The lady had affixed a string and a moist square of sponge onto the cup and she delighted us by making the cup cluck. I was all in. "Give me a hundred and fifty of them!" I wanted to shout. Instead, I left with one. He's now on display in the glass craft cabinet, beside the little googly eyed owl that my friend Rosy made for me from a toilet paper tube. They will be fast friends, no doubt and perhaps may find that they have relatives in common.

We bypassed the door prize registration booth as we reasoned that it was only a clever ruse to get our phone number and that deacons would call us every week to invite us to church. Not that it would be a bad thing, but having grown up Southern Baptist in a church where they guilt-called everyone like crazy on a Monday for missing a single Sunday, I don't want to go back there. I'm not handing out my phone number - even for the promise of winning a free hand-detailed car wash and wax. Even if that church is bringing Solo cup chickens and apple pie. Even if a large percentage of the ladies in the congregation smell nostalgically like lavender powder and Final Net hairspray.

As we were leaving the sale, Mister Kitsch noticed an old faux woodgrain answering machine on the edge of the yard sale section (so heavy that it took two hands to pick it up - "a bludgeoner" I'd call it) and once he saw that it had the cassette tapes still in it, he decided to buy it for two bucks just on the oft chance that there were still messages recorded on them.  That's the kind of thing that we live for -  snippets of anonymous folks' lives. We hit pay-dirt too. There were several messages on the machine.

The first was from a debt collection company (saaaaad) but the next several in a row were from a little old lady who sounded increasingly nervous that her calls were being left unanswered.  I told Mr. Kitsch that we should plug the machine in and play it every time that we come home so that we'll feel like our grandmothers are still around, just clamoring to talk to us. I can remember getting messages like those back during the good ole answering machine days. Those were the pre-cellphone decades so callers didn't expect a person to answer instantaneously.  I don't know if you all remember but back then, we left our phones at home when we left the house. I know! Crazy, right? I wish that I'd kept the old tapes with my grandparents' messages on them. Those would be soooo sweet to have.

I'll leave you with a video of Mr. Solo Cup Chicken. I know that you're probably totally riveted.




I hope that the rest of your weekend goes great! "The Walking Dead" starts back tonight! Eeeeee! 


Until next time,
x's and o's,
Eartha






19 comments:

Jamie@OwlReally.com said...

bah! i love that chicken!!!!

Rita@thissortaoldlife said...

My kids think there is something SO WRONG with me that I don't always answer the phone immediately. They cannot understand--even though I have tried repeatedly to explain it to them--that in my formative years we could be unreachable by phone for whole days, and it was OK. It was not considered rude to be unreachable. That, in fact, it would have been considered rude to drop whatever you were doing, always, to answer a phone. Drives 'em extra crazy when my phone rings and I ignore it and don't even look to see who it might be. :-)

KIMMIE JONES said...

All 13 seconds of that video were pure magic! I too would have been all over that answering machine as I am possibly the most passively invasive person ever. I love finding grocery lists in shopping carts!!! Such a weird glimpse into a persons life

Ashley P said...

Solo Cup Chicken just made Monday bearable. THANK YOU, EARTHA.

Rob and Monica said...

Oh I do love that chicken! I have never seen one at a sale around here! buck buck buck !!!!!

Nells Vintage House said...

Ha, you should start a new blog..."the messages people left behind"

Beth said...

Well now I want a solo cup chicken too! That would keep me entertained for hours, and I can't tell if that's a good thing or just incredibly sad.

Mr. Tiny said...

Time and materials alone seem to dictate that yours is at least a $3 chicken! She must have stocked them deep to sell them so cheap (cheep?). What a great addition to your home! Also, how was the pie? Inquiring - and hungry - minds want to know!

Sara In AZ said...

That chicken is all sorts of fabulousness...glad you got out for a bit and had a nice day!

That Walking Dead show is going to send this girl into fits of madness one day I swear!

A.J. said...

After some quick googling I found this blog post with instructions for making one, if anybody else is interested:
http://froggooseandbear.blogspot.com/2011/06/kids-craft-clucking-chicken.html

The only problem is the blogger seems to think this craft is for children. Pshaw!

Johnny Berry said...

I want a t-shirt that says, "There are little ladies selling large pies downstairs."

JenGrosz said...

Oh I LOVE that chicken!! Sounds like you had a good time! And thanks for doing animal rescues, you are a wonderful lady to do that.

Atomic Auntie said...

Wheee! Seniors rock! And I bet that big apple pie has a real butter crust, too.

cheshirecat666 said...

Don't get me started on old ladies and backed goods and crafts! Funny I'm reading this now cos at this moment my Mom is at one of the annual Holiday Extravaganza meetings to prep crafts for November. Ever since I was a little kid our church has that in November and it's PACKED with old ladies,homemade food,and crafts a go go! I love going there

That chicken is RAD!

Jen said...

I LOVE THAT CHICKEN!

SUZY8-TRACK said...

Nothing better than homemade crafts and pies!!

Melissa said...

That chicken! And puffy paint, that stuff is under utilized nowadays. Hope your week gets better!

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

Now you've made me think about those crafts in the church basement in a new light and I'm going to buy some!

My daughter used the regular phone to make a phone call. Not sure why she didn't use her cell phone which is attached to her like a third appendage. All of a sudden she made a face and held the phone out to me, said it was making a funny noise. I took the receiver. It was a busy signal. She'd never heard a busy signal before!

Rosy the Owl Maker said...

The comments for this post are almost as good as the chicken itself! "Passively invasive"! (I'm stealing that phrase!) "She'd never heard a busy signal before!" "I want a t-shirt that says, "There are little ladies selling large pies downstairs."" Plus, you know, the CHICKEN! You, and your readers, are pure gold, Miss Eartha! (I enjoyed my shout-out, too. Toilet paper owl-- yeah!)