Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Breaking News out of Nashville

Hey buckaroos! How many of you felt the earthquake today? Wowee, crazy!

We didn't get any here in Nashville but as we're not ones to be outdone, we had our own scare to worry about:

I would so love to say that I was late to work because of displaced bull semen.

"It was no different to us than if a mattress fell off a truck," said transportation spokeswoman B.J. Doughty.

And in other news:

Hot dog! I bet you anything that this will be the last time that my Ranch Dressing source files read "bull semen" and "Barbara Mandrell's couch" all in the same day. It's one of those rare occurrences. Kind of like Halley's Comet.

In more free couch related news:

Trust me. That's the kind of two-for-one special that one can find a lot around here. Don't jump on the first one.

That reminds me - one of my friends once posted a free mattress on Craigslist. Guess who called him about it? Brenda Lee! Yes, THAT Brenda Lee. So, I was all excited..you know, trying to think up a way to get myself invited over when she came to look at it. Maybe even help deliver it to her house and accidentally never leave. But then he told me that she wasn't getting the mattress because someone else had called first. I was completely out of my mind with remorse. Who denies Brenda Lee their used mattress?? I considered immediately listing my own mattress to see if she would call me but in the end, I let the dream die.

And in unrelated news, it's been decided that our most historic alley shouldn't be like an alley at all but like a beautiful thoroughfare.

What makes it so hilarious is that one: it's an alley. It's supposed to have garbage cans and potholes and beer bottles. And it's supposed to smell. And two: the reason that it's historic is because the country stars back in the day used to use it for access to the back door of the Ryman before and after their Grand Ole Opry performances. As people do in alleys. These stars hung out there. And used it as a thoroughfare to get to the honky tonks. It was an alley then and it was a-okay. If tourists don't want to go through the alley, then go around for pete's sake.

I love it when the teenage girl says, "It smells like beer. It just doesn't smell like Nashville." Seriously, hon. We have beer for breakfast here and learn to burp our own last names before we're in middle school. Okay, I jest. Sorta. But hello, you know what's connected to that alley? Honky tonks. With beer.

Anyhoo...as you can probably tell, it's a pretty big news day in Nashville. I promise to interrupt your soap operas if any more urgent news comes across the wire.

x's and o's (and beer, Barbara and bull semen),


Holly Hall said...

Ooooh, Lordy, that sounds like a eventful day! If only I lived close enough. I'd be all over that Barbara Mandrell couch! Wonder if they'd take bull semen in trade.

Eartha Kitsch said...

Ha! You know...they just might. Somewhere around here, I have a Craigslist ad where someone was looking to trade half a bag of rabbit food for a pack of cigarettes. We're ALL about bartering here.

1950s Atomic Ranch House said...

hahaha I wish it was more like that here. At least folks there have a sense of humor. Here in so. Cal. it's all about live car chases and home invasion robberies, oh and people selling stuff on CL for 10X what you can get them on ebay lol.

Amber Von Felts said...

Wow, how many forensics labs did they have to send the 'mysterious' cargo off to until they came back with the verdict of Bull Semen? Ugh! I wonder what Brenda Lee wanted with an old mattress? Surly times aren't so tough that she's lookin' for hand me downs. That just makes me sad!

Barbara said...

I now have a new motto, thanks to you.

Beer, Barbara and Bull Semen.


Eartha Kitsch said...

1950's atomic ranch house: Ha! Yeah, I feel you there. We do get home invasion robberies a lot here if it makes you feel any better (well, you know what I mean...that sounds all wrong). That's why we meet any and all Craigslist buyers who come over in our driveway and not near the house.

Amber: I wondered about that too! Was it labeled or something? I also wondered about Brenda. I convinced myself that she maybe just wanted it as a relaxing place for an older farm animal or something. I was considerably puzzled though and still am.

Barbara: hee! the recipe to a great weekend.

Anonymous said...


Georgie Horn said...

omg...i missed the bull semen. hilarious.

Betty2Tone said...

I just "discovered" Brenda Lee about 3 days ago, so that's even more funny/random to me!

I felt the earthquake in Virginia slightly. I was all alone at work and thought a water pipe or something broke. It wasn't until I tried to call the office manager and my phone didn't work it dawned on me that it might have been an earthquake so I got on facebook, and everyone was talking about it

Chel said...

Did you see the article saying that the bull semen was worth $80,000!?! I think everyone who said "Ew" initially would have quickly picked up a shovel and a bucket upon hearing this. ;)

DearHelenHartman said...

How big were these canisters??? I mean, did they have their own seats on the bus? Are we talking soup cans or janitor in a drum? (Please do not allow yourself to make the connection between semen and either of those containers, I beg you. I did it and my whole day will be spent scrubbing my brain). LOVE the news from Nashville today!

Betty Crafter said...

Nashville's beginning to sound as colorful as Austin! I'm a bit impressed, Miss Eartha :)

Sara In AZ said...

OMG!!! What a crazy day!!! Bull semen of all things, eeks!!!

Free couch with musician - hee!

Maybe the next time I need to get rid of something I could just invent that a famous person once owned it. :) Like 'Free Couch, once owned by Albert Einstein'. Do you think I could get away with it??? hee!!! :D

And that alley, can't they just leave well enough alone???

Eeeee, please try not to interrupt Y&R! :D

Anonymous said...

Haha, well I thought the earthquake was big news yesterday! Perhaps it was the earth a'rumblin' that sent those bull semen jugs flying? Also interesting that they were being transported via Greyhound Bus and not some sort of refrigerated vehicle. I swear, you can find some interesting adventures when traveling by Greyhound Bus.

Lynn said...

I think I'm glad I was in Virginia and felt the earthquake...