Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Truth About Gloria aka "The Saddest Seat on Earth"

I've been wanting to bring more crafting to Ranch Dressing so I thought that this might be a good (okay, questionable) place to start. Today's offering is from the book The Family Creative Workshop, Volume 14.

I know what you're thinking: "This has GOT to be a fetish thing!"

Nope, it's just a 1970's thing. It's okay. A lot of people get the two confused.

Here's what the book says about the above:

It is la dolce vita with this well-upholstered chair-person around to comfort and to cushion one after a hard day at the office.

Okay dolce vita - Either the writer is saying that having this doll to come home to is like living "the good life" or he's comparing it to a Fellini film. If you've ever seen a Fellini film, you might agree with me that this would fit right in. I'm gonna choose the latter.

Back to it:

If you take a rag doll to a larger-than-life extreme, you may have an enormous chair-person like exotic Gloria, above, to share your living room.

Right. If Gloria is exotic then I'm Chita Rivera!

She is as comfy to snuggle up with as she looks, since her torso is made from two ready-made pillows sewn together...

I'm sorry. Let's stop again. I've got to get this out in the open - is anyone thinking this besides me?

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies??

Can you see it? Can you see it??

Alright, back at it:

Antique boots from a thrift shop were stitched to her feet, and I sewed junk jewelry rings on her fingers. A black silk scarf stitched around her face and stuffed makes a very stylish pageboy bob.


Her cigarette, by the way, is detachable, in case the hostess does not allow smoking.

1. Wait - the hostess? Are they suggesting that one take that...that...Gloria to dinner parties as their guest? "Aww gee, hon. Do we have to invite Carl? He always brings that demented beanbag, Gloria!"

2. As if anyone could enjoy snuggling this doll if they hadn't been smoking something!

You know, the seventies were truly some whackadoodle days. I grew up during that era and even though I love a lot about that time, sometimes, even I am shocked at some of the stuff that came out of those years. But rest assured, sometimes we learn our lessons about things and won't repeat them. For instance, today's version of the pillow lady above:


You see? No head this time around! There..isn't that better?

Until next time,
x's and o's,

Oh, and p.s. : Man Marries His Body Pillow


Nina said...

Wow those are some scary stuff lol

Anonymous said...

Leave it to the 70s for MORE nightmarish images. Having grown up along with you during that time...I too have mixed emotions...but something like this least confirms that there was something evil going on...forget about avocado green....fake fur sewn on to ones jeans and "Backwood Smokes" (How could anything that looks so wild..taste so mild")...remember THAT?

Georgie Horn said...

2 words

Lakota [Faith Hope and Charity Shopping] said...

That is beyond terrifying. It's true horror from the darkest recesses of a crafter's mind. There is no way on earth I'd be sharing a smoke with that thing. It's particularly unnerving the way the bearded guy looks like a tiny child in comparison to it.

I need to lie down now. But my scatter cushions are creeping me out. said...

i am speechless!!!!!!!!

PS- my captcha code below is "barkk" - how appropriate for me now that i have a barking, whining puppy! ;)

Rae - Say It Aint So said...

oh my god i'm CRYING. my favorite part is the line about the hostess. which is good advice, i won't you let you bring your friend to my house if she is smoking!

Anonymous said...

i am speechless. for a change. LOL!! oh my GOD!

Jackie Jardine said...

Holy creepy cuddle chair!!
That thing is not merely pathetic for the designed use, it is clearly deranged...a dead-ringer for Leatherface!!
I love, love, love this post!!

<3Jackie @ Let's Go Thrifting!

Sara In AZ said...

OMG! Poor Carl, or Gloria, or Carl...eek, both of them! How whackadoodle can something be!?! I totally agree on the TCM resemblance too, way to uncanny.

Hmmmmmm, I'm not sure about the today's version either......only half a body??? :D

Unknown said...

There is literally nothing more depressing than compensating for a lack of physical companionship with a headless, legless, nether-regionless, right armless, neckless facsimile. Gloria, at least, has a certain je ne sai crois, though that I don't-know-what owes much more to the horror genre than even the 70's intended. Where is your pride, single girl? I know, believe me, it's a rough world out there. At least my cats have faces.

Forgive me, Eartha, if I've told this story before - I once asked directions from a very quiet policeman sitting by the side of a rural service road-turned out he was a decoy torso in a uniform. I got dizzy and saw spots before I realized he wasn't dead, he was plastic. Maybe this is what happens to decoy speed trap officers after they retire-after they recycle their heads?

SUZY8-TRACK said...

Holy Crap! That is so weird! I had no idea folks were so lonely back in the 70s that they would resort to pillow pals!

Amber Von Felts said...

OKay, the thunbnail pic that shows up in my blogroll looked like a child sitting on Michael Jackson's lap. I cannot believe the actual story is MORE disturbing!! Demented Bean Bag indeed!