Sunday, February 12, 2012

Yay! Gravy!

Exciting day at the ranch. We're having Tofurkey. That's where tofu pretends unconvincingly to be turkey. And it's amazing. Okay, when I first went vegetarian years ago, I fought against it tooth and nail but now, it's like a holiday when we have it. Maybe it's because I can't remember what real turkey tastes like now but animal's life saved and I get to have gravy. Also fake. But game on.

Before writing this post, I did a little Google search just to see how other people serve their Tofurkey. One particularly thrilling recipe suggested marinating it in whiskey. Because YES.

While on the search, one of the first links that popped up was of this book:

After which I yelled through the house, "Honey? Did you get any yams?"

This photo made me laugh so hard because I'd never considered Tofurkey romantic before. I just love that there is vegetarian erotica. And the Santa hat takes it over the top. Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I delved further into the Amazon link to find out that people who bought this book also bought:

Oh my god. I LOVE it when I'm doing an innocent search for fake meat and end up finding beefcake. Now, I'm sure that you think that you already know what this book is about (and I did too after reading the first page online) but no. Here is the description:

Since moving to Boston, Kyle Slidell has met only a few of his neighbors, including Tobias Rogan. Kyle is very interested in Tobias, and is ecstatic to learn that Tobias wants him too. But his neighbors have a secret: They're werewolves, and Tobias is the pack Alpha. When one of the wolves attacks Kyle in the neighborhood garden one night, Kyle learns the truth in a hurry. Now he's a werewolf too-and since he's vegan, he refuses to eat meat. With Tobias's help and love, Kyle must adjust to his new life and protect himself and his friends from a neighboring pack.

Vegan Werewolf Smut!

There is one more book about veggie burgers and werewolves but as I feel like they're just double-dipping in the same condiment pool, I won't dignify it by including it. That said, I am disappointed that there aren't tons more food related volumes like maybe "Manwich Night", "Porkchops and Applesauce" or a Southern themed one called "Butter My Biscuits" but alas, the world must wait.

In the meantime, here is a little something that the Mister and I made by stitching thirty seven photos together to make a mini film about Tofurkey and gravy (I know..I know...that was the most awkward transition in the history of writing but enjoy! )

Oh and there are no yams included in our film. Totally family friendly.

p.s. I only just now remembered that I'm supposed to be doing Valentine's Day related posts until Tuesday. Looks like that went out the window a couple of days ago. Long week..folks. Long week. I still wish you all hearts and flowers and flying babies with wings.

Until Next Time,
x's and o's,


Welcome to DeluxeVille said...

hahaha....thanks for making me giggle on this cold, cloudy Winter day!



Betty2Tone said...

OMG this is my favorite post on your blog yet! I've only had tofurkey once. I liked it, but it tasted more like ham lunch meat to me than fake turkey

kelly said...

i'll never look at tofurkey the same again...

K0dama said...

well, those ARE romance books, so your post is Valentine related! I will never look at yams the same way again.

Rae - Say It Aint So said...

i really hope i come across salad on the side at a thrift so i can read it. The names! Werewolves and veganism? Incredible.
Have you tried the Quorn T'rky (i can't remember how they spell it, something like that) roast? I love it SO MUCH more than tofurkey. It is made with mycoprotein so it has a really meaty texture. so good. and they make a battered one with gruyere cheese in the middle...oh man i'm salivating just thinking about it!

Unknown said...

My goodness. Our neighbor's name is Tobias...

Now, I don't like tofu, but it makes me laugh.

Especially the episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" when Marie made a Thanksgiving tofurkey.

BetaMike had me eat some once at a vegetarian Chinese restaurant. I thought it was sweet and sour chicken, but it was sweet and sour tofu.

I watched a cooking show today on PBS where the vegan chef made pepper and egg sandwiches using tofu instead of egg. She added tumeric to make it yellow like eggs.

She also substituted lots of other things when she made Philly cheesesteaks. I won't go into that now.

Sara In AZ said...

HA! Butter My Biscuits! You are too funny girl!

Love the gravy video too, but I was a bit disappointed there were no yams! :D

Lisa said...

When the synopsis got to the part about werewolves, I cracked UP. books... exist?

Decades a Go-Go said...

Hahahaha this just made my day....

Megan said...

I think this is the best post I've ever read. EVER. Greatness!

Amber Von Felts said...

Wow. What is there to be said tat has'nt already been added to the comments. Who knew Gay vegan werewolves were a romantic topic to write about? The Photoshop covers are awful! I do like your gravy spout pics though. Nice stop motion effect!

The Curious Holts said...


OMFG, I have no idea what to say other than that I am SO happy to know there is male vegan smut out there.

Cannot stop laughing.

Soundtrack to the gravy movie is hilare and so right on.

Betty Crafter said...

High-larious, Ms. Kitsch. You totally made me LOL. We're longtime vegetarians too (who love us some Tofurkey). We recently explained to our 3 year old daughter what meat is and why we don't eat it. She thinks it's the funniest thing she's ever heard, that people eat animals. She jokes about eating the cat. She also makes up knock knock jokes that all have the punch line "meat." It is kinda funny. But not as funny as you, my dear.

Carolyn Hestand Kennedy said...

OK - since no one else has used it, I'll just cop out and go with LMFAO. Terrific blog! The more recent post about your neighbor is truly heartbreaking.

cheshirecat666 said...

Too funny,I always refer to cooking shows as 'food porn",but this is actual food porn! This makes me think of that Seinfeld where George incorporates food into his sex life