Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What's Up

Hey y'all! I hope that you all are having a great week! Ours has been kind of crazy so far. We are STILL dealing with the flooring fiasco. We finally got our contractor to refer us to an actual flooring company - after a rather uncomfortable afternoon where we had to force his flooring guy to leave our property. No joke. Awkward!

The new company sent out a guy who actually stood in our kitchen and laughed and laughed at the job that was done by the other people. Which gave us faith that if he knows what a bad job looks like, he can most likely eek out a good job. In the end, the new crew is going to have to pull up all of the flooring that the other guy did, scrape up the glue and start over. Unfortunately, they can't start until  next week so we're still eating microwave and toaster oven food.

Let's see...what else is going on? Oh! The other night, we went on an adventure! Someone reported that a guinea pig was seen running around in traffic on the four lane road near our house so the Mister and I drove up and down streets for a long time, trying to spot a guinea pig in the dark. I have no idea what kind of jerk released a guinea pig out into an urban area but I still have hope that he'll end up in my yard. Poor boo.

By now, Mister Kitsch knows that if I say late at night "Want to go on an adventure!?" that he should turn me down. He actually did turn me down this time until I said, "! It's not a dog! It's a guinea pig!" He was all, "Oh, a guinea pig! Let me get my shoes!" Poor guy. He's been conditioned to my lifestyle. He didn't even ask me if I was joking.

And today, I saw my neighbor's house getting robbed! I heard a loud muffler and looked out the window to see a truck in my neighbor's driveway. I thought that maybe someone was there to cut the grass  - but then I realized that the guys in the truck had cracked into the garage and were stealing stuff. Unfortunately, the police got there too late and the burglars made a get-away.  There are a lot of daytime burglaries in our area and I can never get over how brazen the criminals are. I mean, these guys just drove down to the end of the driveway in a truck with a loud muffler, completely drawing attention to themselves - and then started stealing stuff. My neighbor on the other side ran out into the yard and tried to chase them to get their license plate number but unfortunately, couldn't get it. We got an excellent description of them and their truck though. It was a very Cagney and Lacey kind of day!

Oh! And gawd..okay. So, the last time that I had to call the police was last year when there was a strange man lurking behind houses. I literally awoke to see him in the yard near my window. So when the police came, I was barefoot and wearing a skirt, a huge wool coat and the worst case of bed head that I've ever had. It was actually a side ponytail circa 1984 with bedhead. Take a moment to picture that, if you will. Oh, and no bra. Because that's what I get for making fun of women on COPS who never seem to be wearing bras when the long arm of the law comes after them. I'll never forget standing in my front driveway looking like a damned crazy fool with a row of cats lined up in the window behind me. I'd become that lady.

Today, I looked just as ridiculous. You see, I had just returned from the store where I decided to purchase a new eyebrow pencil with this built-in brush thingie. When I got home, I noticed how great the lighting was outside and thought that it might be a good idea to try it while in the car.  After using the pencil, I realized that I looked like I'd filled in my eyebrows with a brown crayon and that they were unnaturally thick and wild looking. Imagine Joan Crawford's brows if they were going down hill on a bobsled.  Anyway, I chuckled to myself and went inside where nobody could see me. Mere minutes later, the criminals hit the scene. Of course, I'd completely forgotten about the waxy inchworm eyebrows crawling across my face and went out to talk to the police. I didn't realize until a couple of hours later when I passed a mirror that I still had on my faux pas brows and that one of them had sweated down my face. Mortifying!

I looked a lot like this guy.  

Can you believe that I donated this cookie jar?? Insane.

I guess that the lesson here is to always be prepared for a police interview. Or for the media. Not too long ago, I rolled out of bed on a lost dog hunt and ended up on the 6:00 and 10:00 news with no makeup and nary a comb having touched my hair! And wearing that same stupid crazy cat lady wool coat. 

I hope that you all have had a great week so far and that your natural features are firmly in place! But before I go, I want to share some something cool with you.

Wasn't that beautiful? You can learn more about the artist, Sue Austin and her underwater wheelchair here and  here.

And on the flip side, go here to read about a surprisingly lucrative find for one young boy:

Can't you just hear Veruca Salt screeching "Daddy! I want whale vomit and I want it NOW!!"?

I'm pretty landlocked here in Tennessee but have high hopes that  I'll find one of those in a thrift store one day. Or in the back of an estate sale closet.

Until next time,
x's and o's,


Maureen said...

I just guffawed at your story about your eyebrows, and the picture of the squirrel cookie jar-thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you finally got someone in there that might know what they are doing. That is crazy about the robbery, but if you are going to be the crazy bra less lady on cops you have to be jumping up and down to get the full effect.

Unknown said...

Lucky...I never have gone on a guinea pig hunt in my neighborhood. I envy your glamourous lifestyle

What Remains Now said...

I know your new floor is going to be beautiful and done right & perfectly the first least it will if there is any justice in the world. Can't wait to see it.

Unknown said...

Have mercy! I laughed so hard there were tears streaming down my face. Now my husband thinks I'm crazy ; )

Rae - Say It Aint So said...

oooh my gosh i laughed out loud thinking about your eye brows! one of my co workers put on this terrible almost white lipstick to make my laugh one day, and then forgot about it while she helped a few customers. i'm still laughing about it!

i hope that little guinea pig is ok. how sad!

Rae - Say It Aint So said...

also, the whale is used to make perfume smell last longer? do they still do that? do they have to kill sperm whales to put out the vomit? or do they just wait for it to appear on shore...what the heck! i'm facinated/repulsed!

Laura said...

Let's see. Giggling contractors, melted eyebrows, cops, guinea pigs on the lam. Miss Eartha, YOU know how to have a good time. :)

Seriously, I'm glad (can you be serious and glad? hmmmm) that you're seeing some hope to an end on the kitchen project. You've put up with far too much. Good luck!

jesse.anne.o said...

It's nice to know that other ladies do the same thing to their significant others/partners. Mine puts up with living with a ridiculous number of cats, knows when I see dogs tied up somewhere that I will stalk them until they're reunited with their owner and that I'm willing to recruit him for cleaning cat traps on TNR projects from time to time. He also puts up with my "rescue eye" for cats on the street.

I'm glad you're in better hands re your floor!

Karen/Small Earth Vintage said...

I am pretty sure I own the salt (or pepper) shaker love child of your cookie jar. He has rhinestone eyes, but the exact same crazed look on his face.

As someone who works from home, I have to agree with you: it is incredible how much crime takes place in broad daylight! And on Sunday.

I am hoping this is the beginning of the end to your crazy kitchen ordeal!

Leah said...

Goodness, the fun never stops for you, does it? Glad to hear good news about the renovations though!

Sara In AZ said...

That video was just amazing!!!! And I think I need me some whale vomit too! hee!

Maybe we need to think about putting a big electrified fence around your place to keep the creeps out!

I cannot wait until that flooring goes down for good! I know that we will all be 'oohing and ahhing' over it for sure!!!

Mr. Tiny said...

Your blog never fails to brighten my day! Unfortunately, it always comes at your expense!!! I want photographic documentation of your eyebrows!!!! Hilarious!!!

RetroSandie said...

Thanks for the laugh, Eartha! Especially the photo of the squirrel cookie jar! OMG-and the picture in my mind of you in the coat with the cats lined up in the window! Too funny! The video IS beautiful and I shared it to my FB page.
Hope things go well with your flooring ordeal!!!

cheshirecat666 said...

Girl you need to get that squirrel back. Shame on you

And just like honeybadgers,robbers don't care! A truck of them pulled up in our neighbors driveway,busted in the garage,and cleaned out their deep freeze. In the middle of the night. And we live in a dense suburb,it's not like our driveways are obscured from views

Oh I so need to see your Phylis Diller hair on the news! And the girls unleashed

man,I wonder how many sperm whale vomit rocks I walked by on the beaches of California??

Unknown said...

every neighborhood needs a
Gladys Kravitz , I can just picture it .

Dana@Mid2Mod said...

I love the eyebrow story!

Betty Crafter said...

I can't believe you donated that squirrel cookie jar. I feel like I don't even know you anymore.

Anonymous said...

What I want to know is, who was the first person to make perfume and think, "Hmm, now how do I make the scent last longer... I know, whale vomit!!"


Gina Lee Bean said...

Oh dear...I haven't laughed that hard in weeks, thank you...the eyebrows and the cookie fricking funny. There is some serious action in your neighborhood! xo

Stacy @ Stacyverb said...

Good lord, I'm so glad to have my computer back from the repair place because I sure have missed the wacky fun that is your blog. "Oh, a guinea pig! Let me get my shoes!" almost made water come out my nose. You are quite the crime fighter, lady. My husband once chased a crackhead who was stealing our neighbor's wheelbarrow, but the culprit got away. (Hubby sometimes thinks he's Batman.) Oh, and I TOTALLY NEED AN UNDERWATER WHEELCHAIR. I could finally be a mermaid like I've always wanted.