Thursday, July 8, 2010

How It Went Down

Hello everyone! First off, let me thank you all so much for stopping by Ranch Dressing. Secondly, thank you for all of your great comments and well wishes. It's been a busy couple of days around the Kitschderosa but I'm finally able to sit down and tell you about my birthday/blog birthday/anniversary/general day of glee. I had such a great day!

I woke up in the morning and came down the hall to find birthday messages from Mr. Kitsch everywhere. They started with this great sign in the hall:

"Whoooooooooooo is turning 40?" Why, that's me! Well, it was. Now I am officially forty plus two days which kind of feels like 39 but with more cake in the fridge and a peaked interest in all of those bladder control commercials.

The notes ended with this message propped up over my computer:

"Whooooooo's our birthday girl?" Guilty as charged! And let me tell you, with the owl theme on everything, I just KNEW that I was getting an owl for my birthday! (of course, I was a little alarmed at the chances of it as our pantry is pretty bare on the carrion front).

Then I logged onto my computer and published my brand new blog! Three cheers! I was very excited, let me tell you! I am already loving my new home here so much.

I then went into the kitchen and immediately spied something through the window on the sun porch. A piñata!! I was stoked. It was my first piñata ever! It's not like the piñata was a surprise because every time that the Mister and I've gone to the local market in the past several months, I would stand underneath the piñatas hanging from the ceiling and twirl while shrieking, "I want a piñata for my 40th birthday!! Please??!" I mean, even the guy gutting fish in the back knew that Veruca Salt was out front and that she wanted a freakin'piñata. I knew that the Mister would make it happen. He's a mover and a shaker like that. He's my piñata sugar daddy and don't you doubt it. The fun part is that I had no idea which piñata he would pick. Would it be the huge green, unidentifiable animal thingie with bulging eyes and a necktie? Would it be the jaunty rainbow with the sparkly streamers? Please, lord...don't let it be Spongebob because I'll have to run over THAT guy with my car...

Turns out it was THIS one!

Glory day! I had never even seen this one before! Will you look at that pastel vision of kitschy cuteness?? It was a big white kitty wearing a pink headband and little smock with a "K" on it. I ran up to it and hugged it and declared that there was no way that I was going to whack it with a stick. I mean...look at those eyes!


Gah! Cute! I was told that I really should do the deed since there was something good inside. Money? No. Mini liquor bottles? No. Chocolate? Yes. There was chocolate inside! He knew how to cut me deep! I told the Mister that I would think about it and in the back of my mind, I imagined a crowd of people at my estate sale after I pass, standing over a dust covered, ratty piñata in the back of a closet. Someone in the crowd moves forward, perhaps dropping a googly eyed knick-knack out of their loot filled arms and removes the piñata from the closet. It is then that the crowd moves away as if one and gasps as they see fifty year old Reeses cups, melted and rotted into a clump on the inside of the fuzzy, yellowed head. A piñata with an ancient linty, cocoa aneurysm would become my legacy...and is that what I want?

Snapping out of it, I smiled and placed the beautiful piñata into the dark recesses of my guest room closet.

Next up, we got in the car and made a run to my favorite exclusive breakfast joint:

You know it. Sonic. Grilled cheese and an enormous sweet tea makes mama happy.

We spent the rest of the day driving all over town to thrift stores - one of my most favorite things to do. We really didn't find anything great which was weird considering we went to eight or nine different stores and with me declaring myself queen of the day, I scoured those shelves as if my life depended on finding the holy grail of birthday thrifting. So, that said, I am going to insert a photo from the day as a stand-in for all of the cool stuff that the thrift stores probably put out on the shelves the minute that we left the premises:

Oh yes, you know that guy don't you? The overpriced, homemade clown that seems to wait in every thrift store? I have a theory that they are planted by the government and have tiny cameras hidden behind their matted pom-pom noses, tracking our every impulse purchase...but as this post has probably already made you antsy, I'll save all of that for another day.

So, let's see...we had a couple of yummy meals. A Greek diner and a Mexican restaurant. Here is a photo of the latter:

That's Mister Kitsch sitting there. You'll probably see very little of him as he is in some sort of witness protection program and abhors me showing him on the world wide webs. He's wearing his "Pickle Party" shirt in honor of the monumental day and probably the fact that my nickname is "Pickles McGherkin". Aww! At the Mexican restaurant a group of "gentlemen" near us were talking dirty so that put a weird twist on the meal. Mister Kitsch said that he never heard them - just more proof that he blocks out everything (including my crazy "did you just hear what they said??" faces) when I am sitting across the table going on and on about something. Bless his patient soul.

Further along in the day, we went and saw some glorious ranch houses of the stars. I'm saving those for a future post but just let me say - fantastic fun. We then went out and tagged some buildings with my gang name:

Okay, I lie. The graffiti was already there but we DID crawl over brambles and bricks and a moderately steep hill to stand amongst it so we're kinda gangstas in our own right. Well, not when I started whining about getting chiggers and dying from the heat...but other than that, I am hardcore. Don't cross me. Unless you have syrup and grits. Or a connection to someone with syrup and grits.

So, if you're still with me (and bless your heart if you are), here is a quick rundown of some other great parts of the day:

I got a fabulous horse necklace from the Mister. I am MAD for crazy, old Western stuff. Oh my. Get along little doggies. Oh, he's good! I also got some shopping money from my family (I'll be back, secret agent thrift store clown!) and a box of fabulous gifts from my good friend, Rosy that included a cookbook that I have always wanted. I've always felt like a fake without that gingham covered classic on my kitchen shelf. (There is a recipe for "teenage burgers" inside and I am super excited to find out if the recipe uses actual teens. If so, there is a rude fresh-faced cashier at my supermarket who'd better watch her back..)

The same friend also made this incredible homemade chunk of wonderfulness for me:

It's a Peggy Olson bear from one of my favorite obsessions, the show "Mad Men"! She turned the bear into a Peggy bear with her own two hands - look at that cute sweater and "joint" in her hand! When you press her paws, there are voice boxes inside that play the theme from Mad Men and Peggy Bear saying, "I am Peggy Olson and I want to smoke some marijuana". Hee! The bear is so well done that I thought that she really bought it from a specialty shop. Fantastic. Oh, and if you follow the show, she has a little baby bear fetus in her tummy to represent Pete's love child. Brilliant.

There were also delicious cakes. One was a dog cake that I picked out at the local supermarket. Be glad that you weren't there. There was an entire refrigerator case full to the brim with pitiful dog cakes. Most of their faces were deformed and anxiety stricken.

Shield your eyes now and peek through your fingers.

Come on now...listen to Miss's for your own good:

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, your gosh!

Oh, our gosh!

What fresh cake hell is this?! Okay, let's gather our wits about us and move on, shall we?

As you can imagine, I started freaking out, saying that I wanted to adopt them all and whimpering, "how can I pick just ONE??" (If you stick with me, you'll soon learn that I have this problem where I sometimes give feelings to anything that has a little face on it.) If I win the lottery, you'd better darned well believe that I'm going to have a warehouse kennel full of deep freezers holding thousands upon thousands of pitiful, homeless pound puppy puddle cakes! Luck be a lady..Someone needs to take care of these poor babies! I also plan to start a "Scared Straight" style program for those who work in grocery store bakery departments. Stop the mindless violence, people. Just take some Valium, get those icing hands steadied and make some HAPPY cakes!

In the end, I DID pick just one. This little scamp:

You would have picked him too, right? I mean. He still has two eyes AND a nose so he's the obvious choice.

And if you're like the Mister, you're going to ask me if that is someone's discarded gum at the corner of his mouth...No, you silly! That's his tongue! Yes, he's a really tragic cake but he's MY really tragic cake. And no, I can't eat his face. No matter how hard I try. Add his face to my estate sale legacy. If you come to the sale, it will be in the back of my freezer behind the ice pack and frozen green beans. Knowing that he'd probably taste disgusting (which he did), the Mister got a "back-up" cake and decorated it with an owl design which he described as, "I know...It looks like an angry cat but it's an owl." That silly. I knew that it was an owl. Or an angry cat. Either/'s cake and it's ridiculously cute:

So, that's how my 40th Birthday/Anniversary/Blog Birth Bonanza went down! It was such a great day and there were even more fun parts but I'd like to say thanks to Mr. Kitsch for indulging me and for being such a good egg. Thanks as well to my family and to my friends and to you all, some of you being brand new blog readers. You all made my day perfect!

I'll close this post with a photo of my lawn deer, Marlene Deertrich wearing my 40th birthday party hat made by a very special little girl. Sweet!

Oh, and if you haven't entered the drawing in my previous post, please do. Thanks, y'all!

Until next time...
x's and o's,


Little Rosy Runabout said...

Well, OWL be darned-- it sounds like a fine day, indeed! That pinata ROCKS!

Eartha Kitsch said...

Hey thanks! I'll leave a note in my will telling you what he's behind in the closet. You'll get first dibs!

erin said...

you're silly!

Little Rosy Runabout said...

Oooh! It's mine! It's mine! YES!
I think I'm going to get a tattoo that says "Syrup and Grits."
That's just plain wonderful.

srk1941 said...

when are ya gonna beat the brains out of that pinata? we got one for Ava (who turned 4 last week) and she is a madwoman with a bat, she could help! But hers was Dora the Explorer, which you probably would have beaten senseless too...

btw... in the middle of nowhere, California (or was it Nevada) last week, I saw my first Sonic and told John we needed to stop for grilled cheese in your honor. He kept driving.

But I was thinking of you!

An said...

Your mr sure knows how to party. I'm coming to your house for my next birthday.

I'll bet Pip would like that pinata


Sara In AZ said...

What an AWESOME B-day! That is exactly what I would do too - go to ALL the thrift stores in town! That kitty pinata is the BEST!!!! I could never hurt her either. Did ya get a Route 44 Sweeet Tea? :) OMG! The Syrup N Grits Gang, they are fierce! If I actually like grits will they leave me alone? :) Wait, so did you peel off the top layer of your mad cat/owl cake to save in the freezer too? he he! Great post girl!Oh, and that bear is freakin' AWESOME!!!

Unknown said...

I SO want a pinata now. My 1-year wedding anniversary is July 18th, so perhaps I can find a way to make that work?

Anyhoo, sounds like you and your hubby are the spittin' image of me and my hubby. Too bad we don't live near each other. I have a feeling we could do some SERIOUS thrift store damage ;)

Shakier Anthem said...

Great blog! I heard about it through the fabulous Sparkleneely. I just moved from Nashville up to Massachusetts a few months ago, but luckily, there's breakfast-themed graffiti here, too:

Happy blogging!

Unknown said...

Happy birthday! And great blog! I saw the link on Welcome to Deluxeville - glad I followed it. I'll also mention it on my new blog too - a retro remedy :)

Poodle Superstar said...

I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out who "Syrup Norits" was.
Thank goodness I kept reading. Sometimes I just need these things spelled out for me.

Anonymous said...

I loved reading this entire giant post. It was magnificent! Your day sounds amazing (and hilarious)

thanks for sharing :)

ps: my mother has a white maltese. she gets those cakes ALL the time, knowing they're horrible. but because they look like her dog Sugar, she just can't leave them there!

Alexandra Bitchford said...

I screamed with delight at that pinata! It rocks. Looks like you had a great b-day.

1959sharon said...

I have missed your thoughts and opinions and wonderfulness SO MUCH! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your new blog!
Don't leave us again, Eartha Mae!
Love You, Sweetie!
oxox Sharon

Sherrie said...

Omilanta, have I missed you!

What a day you had, boy golly!


You slay me. omigawd, I was laughing so hard. But seriously...the kitten pinata had a 70's headband? Really? Goodlordy.

And homemade clown? He's the updated version of the smallpox vaccine if you believe the X-Files. Everyone has a pompom nosed clown and a file.

Did you know that Syrup N Grits tag was on that wall? How long have you known? I bet you squealed!

And whilst I'll be too grief stricken to attend your estate sale, I have dibs on the headband kitty pinata. blink. blink. blink.

Welcome to the world of 40, girl!

miss jille said...

This post has brightened up my otherwise boring afternoon at work :)

Kerry said...

I loved this post and I'm so glad you are back Eartha, and in blog form - a match made in thriftstore heaven!


Sparkleneely said...

Girl, I have died and gone to heaven reading all about your fabulous birthday. Pickles McGherkin, I am so happy you're 40 and have got yourself a new home on the internets!!!!

And BTW, tell that Mister of yours that I LOVE his illustration in the OA... but I just may love the owl one more. It's a tough call.


happileah said...

Gosh, just reading about your birthday made me feel good! You had me at GREEK & MEXICAN..yum.

doradadama said...

that was such an amazing birthday..happy belated are a very lucky girl..i would thrift store it too all the cakes and the food.

Jen said...

That pinata is the BOMB! What a great birthday, it sounds like so much fun! You may need a varsity jacket that reads "Syrup N Grits", though. Featuring an owl and squirrel racing out of a supermarket, arms (arms?) full of sad puppy cakes, chased by a thrift-store clown (we all know that is how they end up in the long run, supermarket security...) and about to jump into their picklemobile.

Glad your day was oh-so-happy!

K0dama said...

Sonic sweet tea AND thrift stores? You are the luckiest woman in the world.

Jaede said...

What a great way to celebrate your birthday. Oh that doggie cake........poor thing........I'll check to see if my market has them and then try to resist........hehe.........

Eartha Kitsch said...

erin: I'll admit, that I am. :)

It keeps me sane..or so to speak.

Little Rosy Runabout: Ooh! Ooh! Wait for me. We'll get "friend" tattoos. One of us can get "syrup" and the other "grits" in half hearts.

SRK: You'll be glad to hear that we finally took some swings at her.

What's with that John of yours? Does he hate me? Got something against tots? I hope it's just the tots thing.

An: Please do! And my god, yes...Pip was climbing that thing and using it like a scratching post. She wouldn't have lasted very long in this mortal coil with Pip. It may be good that she went on to party heaven.

Sara: Thanks so much! You're pretty accurate - I keep eating around that owl on the cake. I'm sure he'll go down sooner or later but for now, he lives. And you KNOW I got the big honkin' tea. Man alive, their tea is as refreshing as oxygen.

Tart Deco: Aww! That'd be so coolif we could hit the thrifts! You have just GOT to ask for a pinata. Mister tells me that they are surprisingly cheap!

Shakier Anthem: Thanks for coming by! That Sparkleneely is fab. That is SO funny about that tag! I wonder if we'll see more and more of these breakfast themed tags now..."L'eggo my Eggo" and that sort of thing?

ARetroRemedy: Thanks so much for the mention! I really appreciate that. Please come back to see me. :)

Poodle Superstar: Ha! Now I can only see it that way too since you mentioned it. You could be on to something. I looked up "Norits" and it's some kind of sugar situation!

uniqueisnull: That's fabulous that your Mom is a frequent doggie cake buyer. I know that there has to be a market for them because the market has SO many stocked. I'm pretty sure I'll be back for more. Those little faces are pretty addictive. Well, not eating them...just looking at them. :)

And thanks so much for your kind words!

Alexandra Bitchford: Thanks! I sure did. It'll be a birthday that I wont' forget. And I think so's all pinatas from here on out. Every occasion - pinata!

1959sharon: Aww! Hey you! I love you too! Thanks for dropping by and for your nice comment.

Sherrie: Thanks hon! I've missed you too! We just happened to stumble across that graffiti on our way to a thrift store and I just HAD to go down there and get personal with it. I still have the kitty's head and he's yours if I die. I think that *most* of that Olivia Newton John headband is still intact!

miss jille: Hey, thanks! I'm glad that I could help. Please come back by sometime! :)

Kerry: Hey, you! How goes? And thanks! It's so nice to see your smiling face in my comments section! :)

Sparkleneely: Ha! I'll sure tell him. He'll appreciate your honesty! :) Thanks so much for your comment and double hugs for mentioning the site on your beautiful blog!

Leah: Ha! Thanks! Food really DOES make the day go better, doesn't it?

La Dama: Thanks so much! Yeah, those are the things that I always seem to choose when asked. I'm pretty predictable that way!

Jen: Ha! I would LOVE a varsity jacket. Especially THAT one! I love your imagination - let's market that. :)

K0dama: Thanks! It's a pretty fine combination. :)

Jaede: Oh yes, you have to look to see if you have them there. They are SO much better in person.

Kitsch and Curious said...

Awww, your Mr Kitsch is a sweetie to make all the signs, take you to your favourite places, ice a cake and get THE BEST pinata ever!

Do you know about the Cake Wrecks blog? I think those doggy cakes have appeared on there!

Dusty said...

Eartha: Congratulation on everything! Your latest blog is off and running. Your home is/looks amazing. And turning forty didn't seem too awful.
Much (more) love to you in the up-coming year, hon!

Eartha Kitsch said...

Kitsch and Curious Elaine: I loooooove Cake Wrecks. That site makes me laugh sometimes until I cry. And thanks! Mister IS a good one. I had to go through some bad ones to get to him but I'm glad that I did. :)

Dusty: Hey, you! It's so good to see you! And thanks so much. I wish the same and more for you. :)

Amber Von Felts said...

Hi I'm a new reader! I know its pase to comment on a old old post, but I like to start at the start of a here I am! I woulda actually laughed out loud but I'm here at my desk...surrounded by my boss & workers. So....shhhh..lols! I can't wait to read on..and on..and on!

Rae - Say It Aint So said...

i had to let you know i came back looking for your post about kitty wells' house and have been stuck going back and back reading your old posts and laughing so hard travis keeps giving me funny looks.
you better believe i have a pinata that i made in 9th grade in my closet, because i can't bear to part with it! it is a white beaver!